The Armchair Detective and the Mystery of Mandrake: Series Three Read online

  DEBSY: ‘How high?’ I rest my case.

  (Light hearted, then more serious music changes the scene.)

  (MANDRAKE is driving TRENCH through the Stokeham traffic.)

  TRENCH: This Bentley is beautiful.

  MANDRAKE: Now, don’t start that again, Trench.

  TRENCH: Sorry. So, where are we going?

  MANDRAKE: To see Marlowe.

  TRENCH: But you’ve already spoken to him.

  MANDRAKE: Yes, but he was reluctant to say very much. With you there, he may just open up.

  TRENCH: You’re convinced he’s connected to the mystery buyer?

  MANDRAKE: We know he’s connected with John Halls and Sade Thorn – the people in charge of the two leading leasing companies in this area. I find that rather too much of a coincidence.

  TRENCH: Why did you sack Marlowe, Mandrake?

  MANDRAKE: I caught him mistreating the dogs – so he had to go. Of course, I’ve just realised… How remiss of me.

  TRENCH: Realised what?

  MANDRAKE: I’ve just remembered where I recognise John Halls from.

  TRENCH: Err… where?

  MANDRAKE: When I did fire Marlowe, it was Halls who picked him up from the station. I just caught sight of him after dropping Marlowe off.

  TRENCH: Very interesting… Where will Marlowe be now?

  MANDRAKE: He has a room in the public house, I met him in yesterday.

  (Disturbing music closes the scene.)

  TRENCH: This must be the room. The door’s locked. What shall we do?

  MANDRAKE: I believe it is customary in these parts to knock.

  (MANDRAKE knocks sharply on the door. After a moment, the door is opened.)

  MARLOWE: I suppose you had better come in.

  (They enter the room and sit down.)

  MARLOWE: Master and Trench, what can I do for you today?

  MANDRAKE: As I told you yesterday, Marlowe – I am no longer your master.

  MARLOWE: As you wish Mas, err… Mandrake. But the question remains.

  TRENCH: We are investigating…

  MANDRAKE: He knows.

  TRENCH: Why did you have a chat with a John Halls by a disused warehouse yesterday evening – and what was it about?

  MARLOWE: Yesterday evening – is that not a contradiction in terms? If you must know, we were discussing a leasing arrangement.

  TRENCH: Leasing what?

  MARLOWE: I am not at liberty to divulge that information.

  MANDRAKE: Exactly the same response I suffered from last night.

  TRENCH: All right, why did you attempt to meet Sade Thorn at Maxine’s restaurant?

  MARLOWE: I didn’t.

  TRENCH: Come on – you were seen.

  MARLOWE: Was I?

  MANDRAKE: This is a waste of time.

  MARLOWE: Oh, Trench – how’s rat?

  TRENCH: Doing just fine, actually.

  MANDRAKE: I’m warning you, Marlowe – if I find out you have anything to do with the leasing deal, you know what we are talking about, I will do more than just sack you.

  MARLOWE: I’m terrified… Master.

  MANDRAKE: You should be… servant.

  TRENCH: Do you like dogs, Marlowe?

  MARLOWE: Yes.

  TRENCH: Then why were you mistreating Mandrake’s – the reason you were sacked?

  MARLOWE: Hah – is that what he told you?

  MANDRAKE: Just answer this then: Halls collected you from near Castle Mandrake – why?

  MARLOWE: I suppose it does no harm telling you. As well as long-term friends, we are also cousins. Now, I have become bored of all these questions, so – if you please…

  (TRENCH and MANDRAKE walk out of the room, down the stairs and into the pub area.)

  TRENCH: Fancy a pint, Mandrake?

  MANDRAKE: It would be rude not to. Wait – look who’s trying unsuccessfully to remain hidden in the corner.

  TRENCH: John Halls and Sade. They’re kissing and caressing and…

  MANDRAKE: All right, Trench – we don’t need a running commentary.

  TRENCH: Sorry. Two pints, barman.

  MANDRAKE: And bring them over to this table – well away from lover’s corner.

  (TRENCH and MANDAKE sit down.)

  TRENCH: So, the trip to see Marlowe was pretty pointless.

  MANDRAKE: Not really, we discovered perhaps, two vital things.

  TRENCH: Such as?

  MANDRAKE: Connections upon connections.

  TRENCH: Sorry?

  MANDRAKE: Just attempting to make sense of all this. The two things are… One: Halls and Thorn are obviously lovers.

  TRENCH: Well, yes…

  MANDRAKE: And two: Marlowe claims he didn’t go to meet Sade at the restaurant.

  TRENCH: So he says, do you think that could be important?

  MANDRAKE: Possibly…

  (The BARMAN places the two pints on the table.)

  TRENCH: Thanks, barman. How much do I owe you?

  BARMAN: No need – the couple in the corner have picked up your tab.

  MANDRAKE: (Says loudly:) Cheers. (Then normally:) Very amusing. After this pint, Trench – I will require some quality thinking time, alone to solve this rather taxing mystery. And yes, it will then just be about time for you to have your customary final pre-case chat with old Thomas…

  (Mystifying music closes out the scene.)

  OLD TOM: ‘Customary final pre-case chat’, the man is extracting the Michael.

  TRENCH: Pardon?

  OLD TOM: Taking the Mickey, Trench.

  TRENCH: Or stating to be what he considered the obvious.

  OLD TOM: I don’t think so. This case centres around three people: Mandrake, Mandrake and Mandrake.

  TRENCH: Are you suggesting..?

  OLD TOM: Of course I am. Come on, think Trench think.

  TRENCH: I am – I’m thinking about all the connections: Sade Thorn, John Halls and Marlowe, ‘connections upon connections’.

  OLD TOM: And they are all connected to you know who. Who won’t divulge his real reason for helping us? Who would find it amusing to involve his former employees in a bizarre twisted game of revenge? And who has apparently lied about his reasons for sacking Marlowe – if he has even discharged the man?

  TRENCH: …Mandrake.

  OLD TOM: And the only way to save the Stokeham Herald is to beat him at his own game. Unmask and expose Mandrake before this afternoon’s meeting at the Herald, and with his eccentric sense of honour, Mandrake may, just may leave your newspaper alone.

  TRENCH: I’m on my way then. I don’t know, Old Tom – there’s not even time for tea.

  (Music inspiring a sense of urgency moves things along.)

  EDITOR LAW: It is several minutes before three. Thank-you for being here Trench, Debsy and Mandrake.

  DEBSY: A pleasure – sorry, is that the right word?

  EDITOR LAW: And the next person through that door will be the mystery buyer, the new owner of the Stokeham Herald building.

  TRENCH: I don’t think so – the mystery buyer is already in this room. He has taken us all for fools and led us, or rather me, on a wild goose chase throughout this town, using so-called former staff to spin his complex web of revenge. The truth is out, the game is over. You are the mystery buyer, Mandrake.

  MANDRAKE: Now that accusation would be amusing if it wasn’t so hopelessly wrong. I am, yet again, very disappointed in Thomas, and you have let me down badly, Trench.

  EDITOR LAW: Wait, the door is opening…

  TRENCH: John Halls…

  DEBSY: …followed by Marlowe. It’s a good job this is a big office.

  EDITOR LAW: Are you two the new owners of the Stokeham Herald building?

  SADE: No, they are not – I am.

  MANDRAKE: Sade Thorn, who would have thought?

  TRENCH: Sade, are you going to tell us why?

  SADE: With pleasure. But first, I’d like to thank two people for assisting me. John, thanks for arranging meaningless meetings with Ma
rlowe here, and borrowing his green hat to see me in Maxine’s. Following my orders, suitably muddied the waters. But, by the way, our relationship is over – you have served your purpose and are no further use to me.

  HALLS: Thank-you very much.

  SADE: And Marlowe, you will be financially rewarded for your part in all this. I applaud you for hurting Mandrake’s dogs – I hate them.

  DESBY: Are you going to tell us how clever you’ve been or what?

  SADE: Yes, I am coming to that bit. Last year in Castle Mandrake, he manipulated me in a crazy game of revenge that almost broke me. True, the experience changed me into a hard-nosed, successful businesswoman, but I miss the innocent girl I used to be: vulnerable Sade, who tried to see the best in people. He killed her, so I plotted my revenge with a twisted game of very own.

  TRENCH: First, you changed your company’s name to Castle Holdings.

  SADE: Yes, an added amusement on my part, and using my expert knowledge, gained soon-to-be control of this building – and sought the co-operation of Halls and Marlowe to twist you round my little finger in a highly satisfying game of cat and mouse which has had you chasing your own tails.

  TRENCH: But how has taking over the Herald’s home hurt Mandrake?

  SADE: It hurts you, Trench. True, you helped save me from the dogs at the castle, but you deserted me – and never spoke to me again until you had to. And you preferred Debsy.

  TRENCH: I’m… err sorry.

  DEBSY: Hah hum.

  SADE: And that hurt me even more than Mandrake’s hounds ever could.

  DEBSY: Hang on, the question still remains, how will taking over this place hurt Mandrake?

  SADE: Oh, haven’t I told you? I have also acquired ownership of Castle Mandrake.

  TRENCH: So, that’s why you’ve been helping us, Mandrake.

  SADE: The documents, (She slaps them on EDITOR LAW’s desk.) legally confirm my rights to the two properties. From midnight tonight, I will be the legal owner and I will take great pleasure in kicking you, Trench – and you, Mandrake out.

  MANDRAKE: I don’t think so.

  SADE: I know so. There isn’t a thing you can do to stop me.

  MANDRAKE: Oh yes there is, Sade. To stop all this nonsense, all I have to do is click my fingers.

  SADE: I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous. Go on then, I dare you. This might even be funny.

  MANDRAKE: But first, Trench must agree.

  TRENCH: I don’t… err.

  EDITOR LAW: Trench, come on… The Stokeham Herald future lies in your hands.

  TRENCH: Yes, all right, do it. Click your fingers.

  (MANDRAKE loudly clicks his fingers. The door bursts open.)

  SADE: Men in white coats, you think you can have me carted off to the funny farm? (She laughs.) Is that it?

  MANDRAKE: Why yes – I already have you committed. And because you are so fond of legal documents, they are all properly signed incidentally. Sade Thorn, you now belong inside a mental institution. In fact, funnily enough, it’s the only way to declare your recent property acquisitions null and void. And fellas, put her in the nuthouse next to the dog’s home.

  (SADE screams as she is taken away. A slight, cruel snigger can be heard coming from MANDRAKE. TRENCH, DEBSY and EDITOR LAW are stunned into silence. Downbeat music changes the scene.)

  TRENCH: (Says walking through the door:) Old Tom, you’ll never guess.

  OLD TOM: I know, Trench, I know.

  TRENCH: But how?

  MANDRAKE: (Says from the kitchen:) I’ll make that three cups then. (He brings them in and places them on the table.) Tea for three. Help yourself, when it’s cold enough, of course.

  (TRENCH and MANDRAKE sit opposite OLD TOM.)

  TRENCH: So, Mandrake – when did you first suspect Sade Thorn of being the elusive mystery buyer?

  MANDRAKE: From my very first meeting with her in the restaurant. I could see the hatred in her eyes, mainly directed at me – but some of it was for you, Trench.

  TRENCH: Pure instinct, then?

  MANDRAKE: Oh no, that was just the starting point. Unlike some people, I don’t simply rely on instinct. Add to that her motive, and the accumulative evidence – Miss Thorn was the only one capable and in a position, other than me perhaps, to orchestrate the strange, elaborate game she played with Halls, Marlowe et al.

  TRENCH: And what were you really doing when you wanted ‘thinking time alone’?

  MANDRAKE: An astute question. I was, of course, finalising arrangements to have Sade Thorn committed.

  OLD TOM: Wasn’t that a bit harsh?

  MANDRAKE: Yes, old boy – but effective. The Stokeham Herald is saved after all.

  OLD TOM: And Castle Mandrake.

  MANDRAKE: If you would have actually solved this case, Thomas. If you would have, for once, believed in me and turned away from your prejudice and realised that your observational deductive process was fallible then, yes, I would have dropped my vendetta against you. I don’t think we could ever have been friends again, although I would have let you be. But, as with poor Eleanor, you have failed again. At least this time you didn’t condemn anyone to a living death. Now, of course, you have blown your last chance – and, perhaps when you least expect it, I will strike and utterly destroy and, regretfully, your associate. Goodbye gentleman, or should that be au revoir?

  (MANDRAKE gets up to leave.)

  MANDRAKE: And, Trench – it was good investigating with you. (He leaves the flat, closing the front door behind him.)

  OLD TOM: You’ve not had your tea – and it’s now cold enough.

  TRENCH: So, the armchair detective struggled with Mandrake’s mystery?

  OLD TOM: Failed miserably, I’d say. Mandrake was right, I let my prejudice blind me. If Mandrake was the mystery buyer, why did he point out that Marlowe didn’t go to see Sade at the restaurant? And I should have thought more about motive. Sade always had one – and Mandrake’s motive for helping.

  TRENCH: You can’t win ‘em all, old timer.

  OLD TOM: No, but this is one I would have dearly loved to.

  TRENCH: I was thinking… maybe I was wrong to agree to Mandrake ‘clicking his fingers’…

  OLD TOM: As I have said before and, no doubt, Sade realises now to her cost, my old colleague can be very, very dangerous – especially when crossed, but try not to trouble yourself over approving the clicked fingers routine, because that was one of Mandrake’s mind games.

  TRENCH: So, what do we do now?

  OLD TOM: Plod on regardless – and drink plenty of cold tea. And expect Mandrake’s revenge ‘perhaps when we least expect it’.

  TRENCH: There is one thing I’ve learnt though, Old Tom. At least now, after kind-of working with him, I can fully understand that Mandrake could make such a great friend.

  OLD TOM: Yes, and an even better enemy…

  CLOSING MYSTERY MUSIC

  Cast List (continued)

  MARLOWE

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  Read Sade Thorn’s CV, a ‘sideways glance’ which is intended to accompany and compliment this script in an original and thought-provoking way.

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